We’re all about to lose 100 pounds. Probably.
Over the past two weeks or so I’ve been on this hip and cutting edge new diet. It’s called “stop eating like an asshole.” It’s not necessarily a typical low-carb, low-fat, low-self-esteem kind of diet but more like a stop eating like I’m going to the electric chair on Monday diet. So I’m trying all of these new healthy meals and I’m only sharing the ones that are good with you babies. Because while some healthy meals are fine, let’s be real, most taste like cardboard and sadness. The key is finding dishes that are healthy but taste…naughty and electric chair-worthy.
This recipe is easy and super filling. I know, I know it has the dreaded CARBS but just get over it. These carbs are friendly carbs. These carbs come in peace. These carbs are here to help you not harm you. Plus, there’s wine involved.
- 8-12 stalks of asparagus depending on ~thickness~
- About a half of a box of whole wheat spaghetti or linguini (8 oz.)
- 8-10 strips of turkey bacon
- 3/4 cup dry white wine (more for sipping throughout the process because COME ON)
- 1/2 cup parmesan cheese (I used shredded but I think it would’ve been better with shaved parmesan)
- 1 tomato
- Garlic powder
- Red pepper flakes
1. Throw the pasta in salted boiling water and start frying up the turkey bacon. You want the bacon to be a little on the crispy side because it’ll get a little soft the from the wine later. It’s convenient because wine makes me a little soft as well.While the bacon is frying, cut the ends off the asparagus and then cut it into about two-inch pieces, and dice the tomato. Once all the turkey bacon is finished, set it to the side to cool off. When the pasta is finished, drain it and set aside.
2. In the same pan you cooked the bacon, add the asparagus. After about four minutes, add the tomatoes. Cook for about two more minutes. While the asparagus tomato mixture is cooking, cut the cooked bacon into little pieces.
3. Once the asparagus and tomato is finished, remove it from the pan and set it aside. In the same pan add your wine. Now this part also includes a VERY IMPORTANT STEP…pour yourself a glass of wine and down it. How do you feel? Okay? Great, we just had to make sure it isn’t poisonous or tainted. If you aren’t 100% sure, keep trying. Cook the wine for about five minutes, or until about half is reduced.
4. Now throw it all together! Add the asparagus, tomato and turkey bacon you set aside as well as the cheese, to the same pan you’ve been cooking everything in. Add the garlic powder and red pepper flakes to taste. I did about a teaspoon of the garlic powder and a tablespoon of the red pepper flakes.